


What Do You Mean This Didn’t Happen?

by EpicNerd



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste Is Sunshine, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Makes Puns, Adrien the Clown, Chaotic Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Chat Noir Being Chat Noir, Comedy, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Humor, Lesbian Chloé Bourgeois, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Is a Mess, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug Is So Done, Minor Ivan Bruel/Mylène Haprèle, Nino Lahiffe Is So Done, Pet Store, Pet shopping, Plagg Is a Troll (Miraculous Ladybug), Platonic Marinette Dupain-Cheng & Chat Noir, Post-Reveal Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Sabrina Raincomprix Needs Love, Tired Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Wedding, i think i’m hilarious, juleka is a mood, rip juice, tree child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-19 08:07:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29623206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EpicNerd/pseuds/EpicNerd
Summary: A collection of short stories about what I am convinced really goes on in Paris.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

Alya and Nino were walking along the pier over the river, having just collected some of Andre’s ice cream.

“So, what was up with Marinette today? Dudette was acting even more spacey than usual,” Nino asked.

“Girl’s just going through some things. I think it started around the same time as the Miracle Queen akuma.”

The two walk in silence for a moment, worried about their friend, until they both looked up and gasped at the same time. To their bewilderment, they watched as Marinette laid flat on her back with her arms and legs spread out as over a dozen kwamis lifted her through the air, ascending to the heavens.

“What the heck is in this ice cream?” Alya exclaimed.

* * *

“You make my heart flutter faster than a hummingbird’s wings. I always feel like I’m swimming in clouds whenever I just think about you. And being in your presence? I don’t know how a black cat could possibly be thought of as unlucky,” Chat Noir said, making Ladybug smile.

“I will never understand how you can so easily say stuff like that.”

“I’m speaking from my personal truth! And my truth is telling me again and again that the person in front of me is the most amazing, brave, beautiful, and charismatic person I’ve ever met.”

Ladybug couldn’t hold it in any longer, and she burst out laughing, falling to the ground and clutching her sides. Chat Noir turned away from admiring his reflection in the window to look at his partner roll around the street while cackling.

“What can I say, m’lady? Even I can tell that I’m the cat’s meow,” Chat says, trying to sound defensive but failing when he starts laughing, too.

* * *

Kagami felt someone poke her face, but she kept her eyes shut, wanting to chase after the sleep she had just been pulled from. However, when her cheek is poked again, she sighs in resignation. Reaching for her phone on the floor next to her, she turns in her sleeping bag and points the phone’s flashlight up. Looming over her were Adrien and Marinette under white bed sheets.

“Wooooooooo!” Adrien wailed, sounding like a cartoonish ghost.

“What are you doing?”

“We’re ghooooooosts!” Marinette answered, waving her arms from under the sheet.

“Oh, yeah? What’d you two die of?”

“We lost our miiiiiiiiinds!” they said at the same time, making Kagami smile.

“Interesting. I’m sure this pillow will go right through you, then.”

“Wait, wha-“

Adrien doesn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, as Kagami nails him square in the face with a pillow, knocking him completely over. Marinette turns to look at her fallen comrade even though she can’t actually see through the cloth. Realizing she’s next, she quickly darts away, narrowly dodging the next pillow.

* * *

Juleka always had a tendency to be melodramatic, whether warranted or not. Once, she had calmly laid down on the floor and curled up into a ball in the school courtyard after Rose informed her that they had, in fact, had homework the previous night for Ms. Mendeleiev’s class. Another time, she had simply walked backwards out of a room, out of the building, and down several streets when a stranger had tried to talk to her.

Today was no different, not even when she was with her brother, Luka. The two were getting some orange juice, and they had just left the store. For whatever reason, Juleka lost her grip on her cup, and it fell to the ground, spilling out on the pavement. She gazed down at the cup solemnly before taking a deep, deep sigh.

“This is the worst day of my life.”

“You’ve literally been akumatized multiple times.”

* * *

“Alright, class. New school year, so let’s start out with some ice breakers, shall we?” Ms. Bustier announced, clapping her hands together, “How about, for our first game, we go around the room and say what animal we are most like and why. Nino, do you want to start?”

“No, I do not,” the boy replied with the tip of his cap.

“Oh, uh, alright...Adrien? How about you?”

“I don’t really think I’d be an animal, actually. More like a bug.l

“Oh, why’s that?” Ms. Bustier asked.

“Well, I mean, my father’s always told me that I’m a pest to have around.”

The room went silent except for a quiet snort from Marinette.

“We don’t have time to unpack  _ all _ of that,” Kim said, brightening the mood again.

“Alright, note-to-self: remember to look into whatever that was. Um, Marinette? Do you want to go next?”

“Oh, that’s easy. Marinette’s like a bird!” Alya exclaimed before Marinette could answer.

“What? Why?”

“Because you fall asleep when a cloth is put over you.”

“I do n-“ Marinette started to say defensively, but she is cut off when Alya takes out her jacket and drapes it over the other girl’s head.

Marinette’s head smacks against the desk, out like a light. When a quiet snore could be heard throughout the room, the class erupted in laughter.


	2. Chapter 2

Chat Noir leapt across the rooftops of Paris silently, his eyes vigilant of any movement that wasn’t his own. He dared not to say a word in fear of missing a single hint of a sound. The moon shone over him, providing him with the perfect amount of light for him to be able to see without being seen. At least, that’s what he thought.

Ladybug swung in on her yo-yo, landing just a few feet in front of Chat. Forced to come to an abrupt stop, he slips slightly before regaining his balance.

“M’lady, always a pleasure to have you drop in.”

“What are you doing?” she asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“You look ridiculous.”

“‘Kay?” is all that Chat says in response before continuing on his lap around Paris.

However, he doesn’t make it far before he feels something wrap around his middle and yank him back. Crashing into the rooftop, he’s left in a slight daze as he gazed up at Ladybug, who looks down at him with an annoyed expression.

“Seriously, why are you dressed in the Mr. Banana costume again? I’ve told you a dozen times already to stop wearing that on patrol.”

“Uh,” Chat says quickly, springing up to his feet, “Gotta split. Stay peachy!”

Running as fast as he could, Chat Noir puts as much distance between him and Ladybug so that she couldn’t force him to turn away from his true identity, Banana Noir.

* * *

Gabriel studied his latest design, scrutinizing every detail. Was it the accents that made the piece seem off? Or was it the color-scheme? Frustrated, he reaches over and grabs his fresh cup of coffee that Nathalie had brought in a few minutes prior. However, when he tried to take a sip, he noticed that the cup was almost completely empty. He had seen that the cup was full when Nathalie put it down on the table; had he already drank it all? If so, he didn’t remember doing so, and he certainly didn’t feel the effects of the caffeine.

Brushing the cup off, he puts it back down and returns to his work. He moved to grab his stylus, but it’s not where he had just put it down, where he always put it down. Jerking his head, Gabriel looked around his desk frantically. When he tilts his head a certain way, he becomes aware of a weight over his ear. Reaching up, he grabs his stylus, staring at it with bizarre wonder. He had never once put a writing utensil behind his ear.

Deciding to question Nathalie about the two strange occurrences, he makes to step around his desk. However, he ends up falling flat on his face. He whips around, seeing that his shoe laces were tied together.

“What is going on?” he exclaimed in frustration.

From his hiding spot, Plagg just barely stifled a cackle as he took great amusement from toying with Mr. Agreste.

* * *

As her superhero persona, Ladybug had few regrets. Something she did wish she could take back, however, was telling her partner, Chat Noir, that she knew how to ride a motorcycle. She kept out the part that it was her grandmother who taught her how, as she considered that piece of information was the part that she shouldn’t reveal. But when Chat’s eyes lit up with wonder and glee, she knew she made a deep mistake.

Now, she was sat behind him on a motorcycle a bike shop had let them rent for the night, and she was very worried about whether he had actually been listening when she was teaching him things.

She had mapped out an easy course for him to try, and, when they initially took off, he seemed to be doing pretty well. Just as Ladybug was starting to relax, Chat made a turn that was most-definitely not on the course.

“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice muffled by her helmet.

“Just having me go around the block would be so boring, m’lady. This is a lot more fun  _ and  _ it’s a better way for me to show off my skills,” Chat yelled back, increasing his speed after revving the engine.

Ladybug had to cling to his back so as not to be thrown off by the change of speed, and she immediately started cursing under her breath. She kept trying to tell him to stop or even just slow down, but, every time, he’d make a sharp turn that would have her hunkering down with her jaw slamming shut.

Finally, they reached a long stretch of road with no turns, and so Ladybug took her chance.

“Excuse me! Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior: the speed limit?!”

“What? I can’t hear you over how fast we’re going!” Chat replied, having absolutely heard her.

* * *

Nino was about ready to throw Adrien out of a window, and he would do it, too, if there weren’t any witnesses.

“Psst.”

Truly, he must have made some god mad or done something terrible in his previous life if this was his reality.

“Psst. Hey, Nino.”

Whatever it was, he was ready to apologize for it 1,000 times over if it would just -  _ get Adrien to stop poking his arm with the eraser on his pencil. _

“Nino, what do you think of my origami piece?” Adrien asked, gesturing at a flat piece of paper lying on his desk.

“It-it looks like paper,” Nino replied, feeling a forehead smack coming on.

“Yay! That’s exactly what I was going for. Isn’t it pretty?”

Adrien gazed at the paper with pride shining through his eyes that had deep bags under them. Nino simply stared at his sleep-deprived best friend for a moment, genuinely trying to process and make sense of it before his palm connected with his forehead, as the prophecy foretold.

“You’re the bane of my existence.”

“Uh, excuse you, I’m the  _ babe _ of your existence,” Adrien replied, dramatically draping himself over Nino and sighing.

Yes, Nino had a lot of apologizing to get through, apparently.

* * *

Tom and Sabine  _ had _ been ecstatic when Marinette said that a friend of hers wanted to try baking and would be coming over to do so. They thought they’d get to have a prodigy for a day and get to see excitement and wonder at things that they had taught their daughter years ago. And they did, except the excitement and wonder was coming from Chat freaking Noir.

He had listened eagerly and followed their instructions perfectly, and they had no doubt that the cookies would taste just fine. It’s just that, well, the cookies were in the oven, and everything else had already been cleaned up. So now Tom and Sabine were just watching as Chat whipped out sunglasses from a pocket they didn’t know he had. He put them on and started playing music from Marinette’s phone. The two teenagers danced around the kitchen, almost choreographed as they jammed to Jagged Stone.

“I’m not sure how I feel about this,” Tom said quietly.

“I’m not sure whether they practiced this or not,” Sabine added, watching her daughter laugh and dance with a superhero in a catsuit.

“Should we leave them to it?”

“Yeah. Let’s just hope they hear the timer go off on the oven.”

The couple left the room, but Marinette and Chat Noir remained completely unaware that they had lost their entire audience.


	3. Chapter 3

Juleka dreads having to drive. Despite what others may say, she knows that she’s bad at it. Unpredictable other drivers surrounding her, one wrong move resulting in damage or pain, and the confusion of not really knowing where she’s going stresses her out. That’s why she loves it when Rose can be in the car with her to calm her down.

However, being calm did not stop Juleka from forgetting to slow down at a speed bump. The car jumped up as she hit it, making her and Rose jolt forward.

“Gosh, I can’t drive. Why must I be gay?” Juleka mumbles, gripping the wheel tightly.

“Those things are not correlated. You just keep getting distracted by rocks you see on the side of the road.”

“Who’s going to pick them up, Rose? What if they don’t go to a good home? What if they just go unappreciated?”

Rose checked her seatbelt again as she sighed. They hadn’t even made it down the street yet, so it was pretty clear that this was going to be a long ride.

* * *

Alya, Nino, Adrien, and Marinette sat in a circle on the floor of Marinette’s room. Each of them clutched their UNO cards tightly, making sure that the others couldn’t see them.

“UNO,” Marinette says, laying down her second-to-last card, changing the color from green to red.

The color change excited Alya, as she had been saving a card for such a circumstance.

“Plus two.”

“Sorry, dude. Plus two,” Nino says next, also laying down a +2 card.

Adrien stares at Nino’s card before looking at his own cards. His smile turns to a grimace, and Marinette thinks that she’s about to win the game. However, when Adrien’s sad eyes fall on her, she knows that her fate has been sealed.

“Don’t.”

“Marinette-“

“Please…”

“I’m sorry...plus two.”

Marinette calmly stood up and walked over to her bed, climbing up the ladder. Nino and Adrien stared after her in confusion, but Alya sprung up, knowing what was going. Chasing Marinette through the skylight, she has to physically restrain her friend from climbing over the guardrail.

* * *

Kagami prided herself on her self-restraint and impulse control. It was something that her mother had instilled in her from a young age. She very, very rarely stepped out of line or left her calm and composed demeanor. Even while fencing, she was completely focused, making measured movements so as to secure swift victories.

However, all of that is thrown out of the window when Kagami made the mistake of taking a walk through the shopping district. Most of the stores didn’t catch a strand of her attention, if at all. The only store she had been tempted to go into was the bookshop, but she had ignored the urge.

She could not replicate the resilience when she passes a store she had no previous knowledge of existing. Passing by the window of the shop, she physically halts and does a double-take when she sees what’s inside. Bursting through the door, she walked straight up to the counter, slamming her bank card down in front of the cashier.

“I’ll take your entire stock.”

Kagami knew that, deep down, she didn’t actually need dozens of swords, but the temptation was simply too strong. She  _ needed _ them. Hopefully, her mother would understand and not make her give them back.

* * *

Adrien could be considered an obedient child. Excluding the times he snuck out of the house to attend school, the times he snuck out to be Chat Noir...that time he stole a book from his dad…yes, he was an obedient child. But, there were just some things that he did not understand the rule for, and, therefore, being told that he couldn’t do something made it the only thing he ever wanted to do in his entire life.

That one thing was sliding down the banister. Nathalie had quickly told him to stop when he attempted it once, and Adrien had been tempted every time he sees the stairs since then. It didn’t help that Plagg, a true devil on his shoulder, kept encouraging him to do it. So, of course it was only a matter of time before his mind was made up.

Adrien stepped out of his room, seeing Nathalie working at her desk.

“Adrien, hello. Are you leaving early for your fencing lesson?”

He doesn’t respond, but he maintains eye contact with her.

“Adrien? Are you alright?”

Furrowing his eyebrows, he steps over to the banister, sitting on it.

“What are you doing?”

“You know exactly what I’m doing.”

Nathalie stands up, walking over to the bottom of the stairs. Her expression was still composed.

“Adrien, no.”

See, that was Nathalie’s mistake. Being told “no” only solidified his decision. With a push, he begins sliding down. However, he only makes it halfway before losing his balance and falling off. Gorilla comes out of nowhere, catching Adrien in his arms before the boy could hit the floor.

Nathalie walks over to Adrien calmly, bending over slightly to get close to the boy’s face.

“You’re grounded.”

“Worth it.”

* * *

Max enjoyed seeing how things worked, seeing to what extent things could go. That’s why, when Kim went through with a dare to stand on top of a basketball, Max got an idea. When the opportunity for a scientific experiment presented itself to him, he absolutely would not pass it up. The goal? To see what dare was too much for Kim to do.

“Hey, Kim! I dare you to go buy yourself some ice cream…” Alix began.

“That’s it? Not much of a dare.”

“...And then dump it on your hair without eating any of it.”

Kim stared at Alix as if she said something horrifying.

“You are evil, woman.”

Max thought that Kim might not do the dare, considering how much Kim loved ice cream. But, he did it, despite how pained he looked. When Kim went to the bathroom to wash the ice cream out of his hair, Max made a note of the dare before getting an idea. When Kim returned, his plan went into action.

“Kim, I have a dare for you, too.”

“What is it?”

“I dare you to purposefully lose the dodgeball game today.”

Kim felt his soul leave his body, and he silently contemplated all the life decisions that led him to this point. Max thought, for sure, that Kim would place more pride in his winning streak than in his dare streak, but he would come to know that he was mistaken when gym class came around.

Wracking his brain for a new idea, Max consulted his journal, looking back at what he already knows. Finally, he comes up with a new dare.

“Kim, I dare you to slide down the stairs...on your feet.”

Kim turned pale while Adrien, much to Max’s confusion, looked angry. Or maybe jealous?

“Do I have to?” Kim asked.

“No, of course not. Feel completely free to turn down the dare.”

Max thought for sure that his experiment was about to conclude, but, to his own horror, he watches as Kim climbs up onto the railing. Max opens his journal and takes out his pencil.

“Experiment...inconclusive…”


	4. Chapter 4

Marinette hadn’t slept in at least three days. It could be longer, but she wasn’t sure since time became an illusion to her. Whether it was Hawkmoth being a jerk and sending midnight akumas, homework making her regret her existence since class time is always getting interrupted, or one of the many kwamis she is in charge of doing something around her room that makes her feel the need to check to make sure they didn’t somehow die or get trapped somewhere or break something, Marinette could hardly sleep.

When Kim noticed this, he made the horrible, horrible mistake of offering her an energy drink. All he did was blink, and then suddenly she was halfway through chugging the entire can. When her eyes grew wide and she crumbled the can like it was paper, Kim would have grabbed a cross if he had one.

Alya fearfully watched as Marinette zipped around the room, talking rapidly to the point of near-incomprehension. However, it was Adrien who really should have been afraid. He and Nino were talking by a window, and someone passed by outside while walking their dog. Suddenly, Marinette leaped onto Adrien and started scrambling to get on top of his shoulders as she excitedly repeated the word “doggie” over and over again in between the “Adrien! Adrien, look!”s.

While Adrien was trying desperately to keep up with Marinette so as not to drop her, everyone else turned to shoot glares at Kim.  _ Never _ give Marinette caffeine.

* * *

“Chat Noir, I think...I think I’m ready. To reveal my identity, that is. If you’re still okay with that, of course!” Ladybug said, quickly panicking as she thought of escape plans fueled by instant regret.

Chat Noir simply stared at her blankly for a moment before getting teary-eyed.

“M’lady, I know you’re my dream girl, but is this a dream right now?”

Ladybug rolled her eyes before stepping back and taking a deep breath.

“On three?”

“On three, Bugaboo.”

“One…”

“Two…”

“Three,” they say at the same time.

“Tikki, spots off.”

“Plagg, claws in.”

It took a moment for their eyes to adjust back to the night after the bright flash of the transformation, but when they did, they both stopped breathing. Before Marinette stood Adrien, her partner that she has flung across Paris and rejected the flirting of multiple times. In front of Adrien stood Marinette, the girl he’s called “just a friend” time and time again.

There were tears of happiness and a tender kiss, of course, but when Adrien went home afterwards, he stumbled into the bathroom after dropping his transformation again. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he hands it to Plagg before sifting through the drawers under the sink for his makeup. As Plagg began playing circus music, Adrien started the process of putting his clown makeup on.

The next day, Adrien rode into school on a unicycle in the full clown costume while the music still played. No one is sure where Adrien learned to ride a unicycle so well. All he would say when anyone talked to him was, “I am a mere fool.”

* * *

Nino excitedly dragged Alya by the hand into the pet shop, his eyes filling with wonder at all the animals on display. Doing the chicken dance for the birds, singing sea shanties to the fish, cheering on a hamster running on a wheel as if it were a race, and willingly being engulfed by a swarm of puppies, Nino was smiling from ear-to-ear and having the time of his life.

However, there is only one pet in particular that caught his eye. Flagging down an employee, the display is unlocked, and Nino is handed a small turtle. Spinning around to face Alya and lifting the turtle up to the heavens, Nino grinned triumphantly.

“This is the one, my son!”

“What’re you going to name him?” Alya asked, trying to stifle a laugh in order to be supportive to Nino.

“I dub thee Sir Earl Jonah Herse Von Broderick Von Abraham the Magnificent, Courageous, and Beautiful III the Great!”

“Any-“ Alya began before wheezing, “Any nicknames for the little guy?”

Nino paused, pondering over it before nodding to himself.

“Dave.”

Alya couldn’t take it anymore, and she fell over onto the floor laughing, clutching her sides as she cackled.

* * *

The day had finally come, the day that Sabrina and Chloé had been planning for almost a year: their wedding. Everything was perfect and lovely, from the menu to the flowers to the lighting to the music. No expenses were spared on that day, and Chloé absolutely wouldn’t have had it any other way.

When the music started playing and the guests stood from the seats, they turned to see Chloé being walked down the aisle by André before Sabrina was walked down by Roger. Everyone was smiling, and a few close friends and family members shed a few tears of joy.

When they arrived at the altar, Chloé and Sabrina faced each other and held hands, beaming brightly. Before the ceremony began, Chloé leaned in and whispered something in Sabrina’s ear that she will never forget.

“No homo.”

* * *

Ivan’s head sprung off his pillow before his alarm had the chance to go off. Launching himself out of bed, he quickly got dressed and grabbed a watering can before rushing out the door. Mylene was already there, waiting for him with a shovel, and she was equally jittery.

“Tree day! Tree day! Tree day!” they chanted before holding hands and sprinting down the street together.

Yes, today was the day that they had been waiting for since winter, the day that the weather was finally right to plant a tree. They stopped at a nearby greenhouse to pick up a tree sapling before heading to the park.

“Tree day! Tree day! Tree day!”

Together, they dug a hole where there was plenty of sunshine before placing the sapling in the earth and covering it up. Filling the can up in the fountain, Ivan slowly watered the tree sapling before he and Mylene stood back to admire their work.

Mylene wiped away a tear and put her hand over her heart before leaning into Ivan and sighing happily.

“Our child is beautiful,” she said.

“They sure are.”

They turned to look at each other, smiling, before whipping out sunglasses and putting them on before giving each other the ultimate high-five.

“Tree day!”


End file.
